This post contains affiliate links. If you follow one of my links I earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. All opinions are completely my own. Thank you for supporting my blog!

This past Monday was Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. While the topic of stillbirth may be a slight deviation from my most recent work, I felt led to address it. After all, this blog began as a way to chronicle our attempts at building a family.

Our sweet Evelyn will celebrate her sixth birthday in heaven next month. Her stillbirth was one of those life-defining moments that will stick with me into eternity. Losing a child is not something one ever gets over. Really, we don’t need an “Awareness Day”. We are perfectly aware, every second of the day, that a piece of us is missing, but, as I’ve said in the past, the grief does fade.

If infant loss is in your past (or present) I wanted to offer some tangible ways you can honor your child’s memory. A few ways to sooth that very bruised and tired mama heart. I truly wish I could hug each of you through my computer screen, but I hope this post can bring you a little peace and reassurance in knowing it won’t always feel like this. You will breathe easy again someday.

Five ways to grieve and heal after stillbirth:

1.Name your child.

Whether you had a miscarriage at six weeks or a stillbirth at 40 weeks, your baby was your baby. A genetic and spiritual part of you. Celebrate their existence no matter how brief. Naming them will give you a tangible way to mourn. Hearing it, speaking it, thinking it will give them purpose and weight in your heart. This child was not a mistake, not “lost”, just gone ahead. Naming them will help you move forward too.

2.Talk about them.

I’ve heard from many people who have experienced traumatic events that talking about it took the “sting” away. It’s like that first swipe of peroxide on a cut. You grimace at first, but it’s cleaning the wound and eventually there’s hardly any sting left. Tell the story of their birth with someone you’re comfortable with, a close friend or family member, and if possible, tell it more than once. Talk about when you found out you were pregnant, reminisce about your first ultrasound, the first time you felt a kick, or even about morning sickness. Hold on to those happy memories and talk about them. They are still happy!

3.Keep memorabilia.

Did you keep your positive pregnancy test? Babies first ultrasound picture? The hat they wore at the hospital? Keep them and cherish them. After Evelyn passed I asked a family friend to build a small keepsake chest for me. I have many items we purchased for her like Christmas ornaments, clothes, and a baby bracelet. Our hospital even offered a service to mothers of stillborn infants where they would take pictures of us with her. This may not be something you feel up to in the moment, and you may never share them with any one else, but I will cherish Evelyn’s pictures always. They stay safely in her box along with all her other precious belongings, and when I want to feel close to my girl, all I have to do is open her keepsake chest.

---

You might also enjoy reading How I Fed My Adopted Daughter Breast Milk

---

4.Connect with other moms.

One in four pregnancies end in loss so the chances are you already know a few moms traveling a similar path to yours. After Evelyn’s passing I was really surprised how many women I knew who had lost a child but had never talked about it with me. It was almost as if they had been scared or ashamed. Now, I make it a point (in appropriate settings and conversations) to talk about Evelyn in a positive loving way. I want other moms to know I don’t she her stillbirth as a failure on my part. If we all owned and embraced our stories, how much more would we be able to support other mamas facing this tragic loss?

If you’re looking for a tribe of supportive moms open and willing to talk, consider joining my Applesauce Mamas Facebook Group. We’d love to come alongside you in your motherhood journey.

5.Give yourself time.

I am not saying you need to go in search of other moms to talk to right after your loss. Or that you need to talk about your child every day. I’m not even saying naming them is a must.

Everyone grieves and heals differently.

You take all the time you need. It is ok to mourn the life you expected with your baby.

Whether you do all of these things or none of them, your child had value. God makes no mistakes. I just want you to know you are loved, your baby was and is loved, and that this pain will fade. And when the pain fades, your love for your little one will remain just as strong as ever. They will not be forgotten.

Do you have questions about stillbirth? Need someone to talk to? Feel free to message me! If anything, I’d be happy to pray with you.