Other couples being chosen, low page views, no comments, an “unlike” on Facebook, or no “shares” on a post I worked particularly hard on. These are a few of my least favorite things. The Enemy knows this too. He weasels his way into my thoughts and tells me I’m not good enough, I’m lacking, and unloved. I’m ashamed at how often I listen. I am tempted to believe him. But what did Christ do when He was tempted? He answered with scripture. And so, I will too.
“No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.” -1 Corinthians 10:13
Seeing other couples chosen by expectant moms is hard. What did they have that we didn’t? It’s easy to get judgemental and pick apart the chosen couple, looking for reasons why they were picked and not us. Left to my own devices, I could analyze it until my hair turns grey. It’s the strangest combination of feelings to be both disappointed and happy for the other couple. How long will we wait before it’s our turn?
But I am not alone. I do not need an answer. I will trust God’s timing.
“A tranquil heart is the life of the flesh, but envy is the rottenness of the bones.” -Proverbs 14:30
I write a post, I think about it for hours or even days, I choose just the right pictures. With each post I write I think “this is the one, the one that our expectant mom will see and it will put her mind at peace.” Then I send it out into the world. I’m not sure what my standards are for a “good response”. I always hope for positive words and enthusiastic sharing. Sometimes I don’t get the desired response. Sometimes I get negative comments- “You’re selfish for wanting an infant.” “You’re forcing a mother to give up her child.” “I’d never give my baby to someone with tattoos.”
But I am not alone. I don’t need to give them an answer. I will trust God’s calling.
“These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.” -John 16:33
I’ve chosen to share our journey publicly. I write this blog and make YouTube videos, we have a Facebook page and Twitter account. I’m sharing this work God is doing in our lives with two purposes. One, to make our intentions known. We want to adopt. The more people know, the easier it will be for our expectant mom to find us. Two, I believe in sharing life lessons with others. Waiting is hard for everyone, no matter what you’re waiting for. I want others to be encouraged and reassured that they are not alone in their struggles. When someone (Facebook doesn’t tell me who it is) unlikes our Facebook page or stops following our blog, it hurts. What did I say or do that pushed them to hit that button?
But I am not alone. I don’t need the world’s approval. I will rely on God’s strength.
“Now faith is assurance of things hoped for, a conviction of things not seen.” -Hebrews 11:1
In the end nothing I do, none of my “efforts”, will make God move faster. I will never be able to convince Him that now is the time. I am not waiting on a child, I am waiting on God. A friend once said, “I’ll just keep doing the job God has given me until He gives me a new one.” I’ll keep waiting as long as God wants me to. My job now is to praise Him, to be a good wife, daughter, friend, and to prepare for His next move. In this waiting, we will trust that He loves us, He knows us better than we know ourselves, and He will never leave us alone.