I gave someone some advice the other day. She was having trouble feeling inadequate and comparing her life to others. I told her to make her world smaller. Focus on what is right in front of her. Focus on the moment she was in. I need to take my own advice.
Blogging has been therapeutic to me. I admittedly try to write with a positive voice. No one wants to read about my complaints and putting them into writing would give them more weight in my life than they deserve. When I focus on the good stuff, maybe trying to put a positive spin on the not-so-good stuff, I can encourage others (hopefully). It also makes it possible for me to go back and read about our progress and blessings. I really love blogging. More than I thought I would.
However, my personality can get more “determined” than it should be. I know this, and it’s something I need to work on. Blogging isn’t just blogging for me. Blogging is accompanied by Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, YouTube, plus I read quite a few other blogs. I start to compare our adoption journey to others. My world has gotten very big. I have connections literally all over the country. I have decided to take a small break. Don’t get me wrong, I value these connections. I pray for these people and their families. I enjoy learning and gaining from their journeys. But it’s starting to detract from our journey. Needless to say, all of this is fairly time consuming. I find myself glued to my iPad, neglecting things
I shouldn’t. I need to make my world smaller, at least for a little while.
The next week is gonna be hard, busy, happy, sad, fun, and challenging. Sunday is Evelyn’s birthday. One year since we said goodbye for now. It hasn’t quite sunk in yet. We also have plans to possibly have some adoption “maternity” pictures taken by a sweet friend. Then next week brings Thanksgiving. I look forward to spending time with our family and enjoying good food. I will be thankful. Mixed in are the usual weekly tasks including BSF. With so much going on and so many emotions packed into a fairly short amount of time, making my world smaller is necessary.
“Be still and know that I am God…” This verse has meant a lot to me over this last year. It fits my personality perfectly. I want to take bites out of it, chew on it, spiritually digest it, let it sink into me. I love it and I need it. “Be still”. I looked up the original Hebrew- raphah. It means to sink in, relax, let go, become weak. I need to sink in to the knowledge that God is God, and always will be. I need to relax this grip I have on our adoption. I need to let go of the idea that I can help God accomplish His goal. I need to accept that I am weak without God. He is my strength. I need to be still.
So this next week I will be still. I will focus on my God, my relationship with my husband, and my family. I will make my world smaller. No Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, etc. I want to peacefully enjoy my daughter’s memory with the people who were there when she was born. I want to peacefully enjoy Thanksgiving without thinking about what I’ll write or what pictures I’ll share. Those of you who know me well are still welcome to call, text, or email, but next week there will be no Motherhood Monday, no Wordless Wednesday, no Facebook or Twitter posts. When I come back, I’m sure I’ll share a few things, but for now, I’m going to be still, make my world smaller, and focus on who God is.