The more reading I do about adoption and the process of adopting the more concerned I become with the fact that I already feel a connection to a woman and child I do not know. Is it wrong to love someone and hope for a specific outcome? It almost feels like it is. I write about our hopes and dreams for our future family with this child that will come from another person. I write about how much I already love this little person without knowing anything about them. A large part of the adoption community, though, seems hell-bent on reminding me this child is not mine and I should feel no attachment until our expectant mom gives us permission. While part of me totally understands that, I struggle a little with it. Should I not want to love a child, any child? Lets take out the adoption part for a second (bare with me). I love my friend’s and family member’s kids. I do not assume at some point one of them will be given to me, but I still love them. Is loving a child without any limitations or expectations wrong? I don’t think so. If I imagine what it’s like to be a woman considering adoption, I feel like I would be more inclined to choose a family who already felt a bond with my child. If I came across a family who was so cautious and paranoid that I was going to change my mind and that they shouldn’t get their hopes up, I would feel a little patronized. Adoption is not a choice come to lightly. I have confidence that our expectant mom is a smart person. A smart person, able to choose adoption and come to decisions about the future of her child on her own brain power. If I was “scared” to love her child, I would feel like I was undercutting her ability to think and make decisions. I love her child. This in no way means I assume that child is mine. I understand what it feels like to feel your child move inside you and “know” them and have a bond with them before you even see their face. That is a bond between mother and child alone. I take no posession of that bond from another woman and her child. Just because I love and excitedly await the arrival of her child does not mean I think I have a right to her baby. What are my options? One, love that baby, prepare for that child’s life, support our expectant mom, and hope for an outcome in which all parties involved are at peace and confidant. Two, be scared to love another person, be too anxious to even prepare for the best, and assume our expectant mom is unable to make decisions and stick to them. I choose option one.