I’d like to think I have no delusions about parenting. I’m sure I do though, cause I’ve never done it. I understand I won’t be the perfect mother, Josh won’t be the perfect dad, and we will not raise perfect children. I’m sure gonna try my hardest to be a good mom, and in my opinion, Josh will be a fantastic dad, and our children will have every opportunity to lead happy, fulfilling lives. Like I said before, I’m a pretty determined person.
Having to place a child for adoption is not a perfect scenario. I can’t imagine the stress, pain, and uncertainty that comes with that decision. When you think about it though, with pregnancy you have nine months to prepare, but we’ve been waiting for our child for almost five years now. When you choose adoption you’re placing your child with a family that has planned, worked, dreamed, and prepared for that child for years. That’s one blessed baby. Placing a child for adoption isn’t giving up on a child. You are a mom, and will be a mom forever. This child will know you. We never want this child to wonder where they came from. We understand that choosing adoption does not mean you don’t want that baby. It means you want the best for that baby. Adoption doesn’t mean you’ll never see them again. Our child will always know how blessed they are to have not just one family but two families that will always love them. You chose to give them life and now you’re putting that life in our hands.
When it comes to preparing for this child I think Josh and I are more than ready. Emotionally, physically, financially, mentally, every way you can be prepared, we are. Because of our Evelyn Rose, I was able to prepare in a way that the average adoptive mom can’t. Two days after she was born, my milk came in. I immediately started going through all the bereavement paperwork we brought home from the hospital looking for information on pumping. There was nothing though, only information on how to help it dry up. I guess this isn’t the normal response after losing a child. But she isn’t my only child, and while she doesn’t need me anymore, our other child does, and I want this child to have the best I can give, including what they eat. After all the research I’ve done about pregnancy, Josh working at a hospital, and one of my best friends being a labor and delivery nurse, I know the benefits of breast milk. I have nothing against formula feeding, and I was prepared to do that. God gave me the option to choose otherwise. I called my friend. As an L & D nurse she was able to help me start pumping and showed me the proper way to store the milk. I started pumping just as if I was feeding a baby every few hours.
It didn’t take long to fill up our freezer in the kitchen so Josh and I went out and bought a chest freezer for the garage. I filled bin after bin and soon they were stacked three bins high in the freezer. It was a lot of work and I’m not going to say it wasn’t emotionally challenging, but in the end I’m convinced it will be worth it. I look forward to the day I can thaw out my first bag and use Evelyn’s milk to feed our adopted child. Talk about coming full circle! I just hope it’s soon. We’re coming up on the deadline for when frozen milk starts to degrade. In a few months, the first milk I pumped won’t be as nutritious as it once was. The thought of throwing it away makes me sick so the only other option is to donate it before the deadline passes. Ugh! This is a big reason I’m a little pushy about people sharing our hopes to adopt. I want the world to know we’re ready and waiting! And so we keep waiting. God’s timing is perfect and if I’m meant to donate this milk then so be it. Time to do some more research.