I first saw/met Candace on YouTube. She has been a huge inspiration to me in both adoption and blogging. The relationship she has with her boy’s birth moms is so beautiful. I will be forever grateful to Candace for her support and willingness to share. Here is a little bit of her adoption knowledge for you to soak up:
THINGS WE’VE LEARNED ALONG THE WAY FOR AN OPEN ADOPTION
7) Don’t fear the Birth Parents relationship with the child. Jealousy can be hard to push past sometimes but you just have to do it. Don’t nurture jealousy. The Adoptive Family and the Birth Family have 2 separate roles in the child’s life. Your worlds will come together to make the child’s world one. Finding a good balance is possible.
8) Include the Birth Family as much as you want. The more we give the more they give and we can help each other heal in beautiful ways. No child ever suffered by having too many people love him/her.
9) It’s ok to not be perfect in front of them. They know your human. You’re not a bad parent if your kid has peanut butter on his shirt.
10) Be yourself from the moment you meet them. No fake smiles, no photoshopping, no pretending to be anything but yourself. That is who they want to see.
11) Be confident in their choice. After placement Adoptive Parents will go through a guilt process. It hurts so bad. You will know that you are benefiting from what is paining them but it will be ok. Pain is to be expected in these situations. Sending them pictures and letting them know you are there helps a ton.
12) Remind them that you are never going anywhere. If you feel them pulling away its ok to ask them about it. If they need space respect it.
|My youngest son Jamison with his lovely Birth Mom Amy.|
|Together on his first Birthday.|
|Jamison giving loves to his Birth Momma.|
Our oldest son’s Birth Parents live about 5 hours away so we go visit them often too. They have also come to our home to visit us.
|He is one loved little boy!|
|Sawyer’s Birth Dad with both boys. He is not Jamison’s Birth Dad but has become the “Adoptive Birth Dad” for Jamison.|
|Our oldest son Sawyer with his Birth Momma Lauren.|
Adoption is full of potential. Full of choices that you will make every single day. It will be the hardest most rewarding thing you will ever do. Just keep the faith and remember that FAITH and FEAR can not exist in your mind at the same time. Make sure to nurture the faith part a little more each day and you’ll be just fine. It WILL all be worth it!!
THANK YOU JOSH & KRISTEN! BEST OF LUCK ON YOUR JOURNEY 🙂
If you would like to see more of your adoption journey, check out our Youtube page here!