January 26th, 2013. The day that would have been my baby shower. It’s a day I had looked forward to for over five years. I remember laying awake at all hours of the night, feeling my daughter move inside me, imagining what my baby shower would be like. I would stand up in front of all my friends and family, all big and round, and share about the miracle God had performed. I would listen to my mother and mother in law talk about their joy and excitement at being first time grandmas. I would open gifts of tiny outfits and sweet story books and everyone would make oohing and awing noises.
January 26th, 2013 was a lot different than I had imagined. Instead of celebrating the imminent arrival of our first born, I spent the day at the beach healing and reflecting on God’s decision to take our daughter home. I didn’t wear makeup that day because I figured I would be crying a lot, but now that I think back, I don’t think I cried once.
I am blessed with some wonderful women in my life. Strong, compassionate, loving women. On the day I would have celebrated a baby, a new life, instead I celebrated the life God had blessed me with. My own. My mother, my friend Pam (my BSF leader at the time), and my friend Audrey took me to the beach.
|Audrey decided to climb a tree. Why not!?|
It’s hard now to describe the day. It was so perfectly calm and beautiful that it almost doesn’t feel real. We enjoyed amazing weather, beautiful and delicious food, laughter, reflection on God’s grace, and His overwhelmingly perfect timing. It was a day filled with soft soothing memories that I will hold in my heart forever.
Isn’t that just like God’s grace? To redeem a day that seems irredeemable.
(UPDATE: Read the comments to see my mother’s view of this beautiful January day.)
|Me and my mom. Redeemed.|
|Blessing tree and diaper cake made for my cousin’s shower.|
I don’t want to get too ahead of myself and plan the whole celebration now, before we’re even matched. Anticipation can be fun. I want to savor and enjoy the planning process. There are a few things I’ve already decided on though. Awhile ago I hosted a baby shower for my cousin and we had a blessing tree. I took a tree branch and cut tag ornaments out on my Cricut. Everyone wrote words of encouragement to the new mom and prayers for her sweet daughter on the tags and then hung them on the tree. At the end of the party we took all the tags and put them in a little album for my cousin to take home. I loved this idea when I did it for her and I can’t wait to read all the beautiful things my friends and family write on our special day. I’m also pretty set on a Dr. Seuss theme. The first baby item I bought when we started the adoption process was a Cat In The Hat onesie. I also really like diaper cakes. No particular reason. Just think they’re really cute. I’ve made a few over the years for friends (there’s a picture of one I made in this post too) and I look forward to having one of my own. Other than that, I just look forward to sharing this amazing, wonderful, joyful day with the people I love. It will feel like a giant collective exhale of relief and peace in our family.